Alright I haven’t posted in a while, but I’m still here in Canada exploring this great country. The reason I haven’t posted?
I met a girl!
That’s right I met a girl here in Vancouver. Her name is Lauren and she’s studying to become a Phlebotomist. So what does a Phlebotomist do exactly? I had to look it up. They are those people in the hospital (and blood clinics) that take your blood. They are a step down from nurses.
I don’t know how she does it. I pass out at the sight of blood. It is just soooo gross.
So what’s next for me?
Well I can tell that this girl is amazing. I met her at a party with some friends and ever since then it’s been all Laura, all the time.
I initially intended on creating some memorable experiences and then returning back home to London to start my career as a lawyer. But now….well…..maybe Canada is in my future plans as well!
It’s amazing how life is like that.
Right now Lauren works at Starbucks. There’s over fifty Starbucks in the downtown core alone so I don’t think I gave away too much info about her. She has a beautiful smile. And piercing blue eyes…look at me getting all soft.
We’re going to a piss-up tonight. Well, I call it a piss-up: everyone else in Canada thinks that’s when there’s a bathroom accident. But I digress.
We’ll discuss our future plans. I may end up staying here, or she may end up coming back to England with me. What a memento she would be!
Dear Canadians: do you really expect me to believe that you pronounce this fine mountain “Grouse” as in “mouse”? What sense does that make? Why isn’t it pronounced like “gross”. You know how hard it is for an Englishman to pronounce it that way?
First off: the grouse is an arctic bird (seriously.) I find it easier to call it Gross Mountain. Not that there’s anything inherently gross about it. I just don’t want to have a bloody aneurysm every time I talk about the place.
Alright, the rant is over. Yesterday I went up Grouse Mountain (I pronounced it Gross in my head). This was a fun place to be, but apparently the worst time to go up. These are the main attractions on Grouse Mountain:
Skating Rink – an outdoor rink on top of a mountain. Sounds amazing, right? It’s too warm in March for that.
Grouse Grind – A gruelling 2 mile trail up the mountain. It’s become so famous that Hugh Jackman and Bradley Cooper have attempted it when filming movies here. It’s closed until May, because it’s too cold.
Lumberjack Show – I know it’s just for the kiddies, but I want a uniquely Canadian experience, and it doesn’t get more Canadian than lumberjacks. The shows don’t start until the summer.
So here I am in Grouse Mountain purgatory. Even the cable car operators seemed surprised people are trying to go up.
One amazing thing I did see was a real, live, bear. I’m not kidding. There was a bear up there. It’s in a small, fenced off area. Let me repeat that: all that separated me from a real live bear was a small fence.
While it was truly amazing: what are they doing putting us that close to a live bear? If he tried to attack us, that fence would do nothing! I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why they thought it was a good idea. But, here I am talking about it. I guess…I’m part of the problem.
All in all it was an amazing experience to climb a mountain like that. There are no mountains quite like that in England. I went to Mt. Blanc on a field trip back in school. Mont Blanc is bigger, but I thought it was too remote. I had trouble breathing. Grouse Mountain is high: it gives you scale, but you can still have a good time. I quite liked it.
Looks awesome, right? I didn’t get to see it.
This is what a trip in the summer would look like. Maybe I’ll stick around a bit longer than I had planned?
In the meantime, I recommend this site here as well as here.
Apparently there are two epicenters of hipsterdom: Brooklyn, NY and Portland, Oregon. I hate hipsters and couldn’t imagine visiting those places and not leaving with assault and battery charges. I’m not a violent man by any means. I mean, I have had several battles with spiders in my flat where the outcome truly was in doubt. There’s just something about hipsters that makes ordinary people eager to try out violence for the first time. You know?
Hipster Watching Has Been Moved Up:
I planned on spending a couple of days trying out obscure cafes to see hipsters in their natural habitat. But once I got off the plane, I came up against an uncomfortable truth: they’re everywhere.
They were in the airport.
They were on the train from the airport.
They were in my hotel.
It’s like a zombie apocalypse where you discover that everyone is already infected. It’s not a weird minority of people here in Vancouver. There are Asians, there are hipsters, and there are Asian hipsters (inevitable overlap). But that’s all there is.
The gross part? The smug looks on their faces…or the scarves or…I don’t know. I don’t even know what it is. It’s this terrible feeling.